Sister, Sister

Since the moment we found out we are having another girl I’ve always pictured them to be best friends. In my mind they would always hold hands, play together, care for each other, and wouldn’t need anyone else. Well, maybe that will happen in the future but it certainly hasn’t been like that for the last 8 months.

 

Ariela is used to attention, an undivided attention. During my pregnancy I kept talking to her about how she’ll be a big sister and how much fun it’ll be to have a little one around the house. I kept pointing out how she’ll be able to help care for her little sister and be mommy’s right hand. And every time we talked Ariela kept changing the subject, like she didn’t want anything to do with any of it. I say she is one smart cookie because at that point she already figured out that parents won’t always be there for her and she’ll need to share her parents with a baby.

 

When she first came to the hospital to meet her sister, I think she was more excited to see me and not the baby. The grandparents  led her to a crib to see her brand new sister and she kind of had the look like she didn’t know what to think. She opened her mouth and smiled and that was it! And I think that smile was more for a show rather than her being in awe with the baby. She turned around and came to talk to me.

 

The first few months she made a few attempts to feed the baby, looked how we changed the diaper, covered her with a blanket, and that was about it. She wasn’t into her little sister and it seemed to me like she wanted her life as a family of three back.

 

When Alina was about 3-4 months Ariela wanted to be around her little sister more. It also helped that Alina’s first smile was just for Ariela. The big sis was very proud that the baby smiled just for her. She kept talking about it for quite some time.

 

A few more months passed and Ariela wanted to “play” now. She kept making faces and loud noises; anything to make Alina smile and laugh. Alina didn’t need any encouragement. She loved “chasing” after Ariela around the house, wiggling her little feet and arms, and squeaking with excitement, craving for more play time.

 

Now, when Alina is 9 monhts, they still like to “chase” and “hide” from each other. Most of the time Ariela will help with putting a blanket on the floor for Alina to sit on. She’ll bring toys for her little sis but sometimes takes them away after a few seconds. I have to remind her to give at least one to Alina, otherwise, she won’t have any fun playing. Ariela will help to watch the baby if I have to step away to the kitchen or fill up the bath. She’ll also help with feeding while singing cute little songs to make Alina eat more.

There was a one time accident when I thought I would burst.

I left to check on something in the kitchen and on my way back saw Ariela trying to pick up the baby who was lying on the blanket on the floor. She didn’t see me at first but once she turned her head and saw me, she let go off Alina. Miss Alina fell on her back. All I can say is I am lucky we had a very soft blanket underneath her. I am also thankful Alina wasn’t too far from the ground, otherwise, that fall would’ve been very painful for her. I was fuming. Ariela was afraid for a few seconds and just stared at me. You know the stare where the kid knows he/she did something wrong but didn’t know how the adult will react? That one… Without thinking, I raised my voice at her and she started to cry. I picked up Alina and went to another room to breathe.

 

There are of course daily reminders for Ariela and I feel like I constantly remind her not to do certain things like waving her fingers right in front of Alina’s face/eyes, not yell/breath into her face (give a girl some space), don’t give her food she can’t eat just yet, don’t pick her up, etc.

Even though their relationship was pretty much non-existent in the beginning, it is been wonderful to see it grow over the last few months. I love watching Alina grin when she sees her sister. I love seeing Ariela teach Alina how to play with toys. I love them as individuals. I love them as sisters. I am so thankful to have them both in my life!

 

My Maternity Leave

I’ve stayed home a total of 5 months. Twice as long as I’ve stayed with Ariela. Somehow the time just passed me by in the blink of an eye and ready or not I had to go back to work.

 

I’ve already talked about the first and easy month. Each consecutive month brought its challenges and moments of pure happiness.

 

Miss Alina was never a cry baby if you went by her rules. She did have a few crying episodes where I was just clueless what to do with her. I offered the boob, changed the diaper, rocked her, held her on my tummy, gave gas drops, and nothing worked.

But I can count those episode on one hand. She’s been a relatively easy child. The only thing she wanted was….drum roll……ME. I’ve heard of the witching hour and how parents are ready to pull their hair out during those times. Now that I think about it we sort of went through witching hour but in a more down to earth way. Miss Alina wanted to be held and especially during the hours of 6pm-8pm, right when miss Ariela would come home from daycare. I found it a bit difficult to heat up dinner, do homework, play, and bath the older one when the little one is glued to me. Alina would start to cry 5 minutes after I would put her down in her crib. My parents would pick up Ariela from daycare and spent a little time at our house to help. Not sure how other moms do the whole drop off/pick up with newborns. We didn’t care about the drop off and Ariela would roll into daycare around 10-10:30 daily but the kid had to be picked up by 6pm and it would usually be right around Alina’s feeding time.

 

Anyways, moving on… Most of the days I had time to cook dinner, feed myself, pump, and on special days I would even have time for a shower. I’ll be honest, I did spoil Alina by holding her a little more than needed during the day but it was my time to explore her tiny face features, hold her little fingers, and just stare at the miracle we created. I also watched a lot of TV when Alina would sleep. I would pour myself some Mother’s Milk tea, get oatmeal cookies, and turn the little demon on. I watched a lot of talk shows and Sex and the City episodes, and some really bad reality TV that I never watch. I felt guilty at times and felt like I was wasting time but it was also my down time to chill out and unwind.

 

When it warmed up a little, miss Alina and I would get out of the house for a few hours. We would go to Trader Joes and/or walk around the lake with a friend of mine. It was good for both of us. I am really glad I had a friend who wasn’t working at that time to join me for longs walks and keep me company.

 

November, December, and January just flew by. I was in such denial that I had to go back to work eventually. I kind of liked staying at home with my little babe and the thought of leaving her gave me the creeps. But I kind of had to be an adult and had to start thinking rationally at one point. This time my mom was employed and it was not an option to have her babysit miss Alina. One of the options was to have my brother’s nanny watch her and we pretty much never even thought of another babysitter. After all, she raised his older daughter and now was looking after his little boy. If they liked her than we will most likely like her too. Plus, Ariela stayed with here for a few days last year when her daycare was closed. She was somewhat familiar……but what did I know….all of those things were not enough for this emotional and attached mama.

 

More to come…

First Month as a Family of Four

We got home on a Friday afternoon while the older Miss A was at daycare. The little one slept and I got to unpack all of the junk from the hospital.

 

I was more relaxed and not as stressed as I was the first time around.

 

I kind of knew what to do with the baby.

 

I told myself that things like laundry, dirty floors, dust, and other random stuff can wait.

 

I kept reminding myself to slow down and not get too stressed out. I can’t control everything.

 

I can’t control everything.

 

My house can and will be messy and it is totally OK.

 

My kids need their happy mama not the clean house.

 

These were some of the things I had to constantly remind myself of. This time around I wanted to be smarter and kick my old self in the butt for stressing out about all the little things that don’t matter in life. Man, I remember the first time around feeling like a bomb that could go off at anytime if things didn’t go according to my plan. Now though, what plan? I don’t have any plans and I am not making any plans and to do lists. I’ll go with a flow as they say.

 

The first month was somewhat easy with a new baby at home. Alina mostly slept, ate, peed, and pooped like any other newborn. Ariela went to daycare and kept to her routine although mommy wasn’t there to put her to sleep most of the nights. She did get a bit jealous at times and wanted me to help her with random stuff. After all, I’ve been around before to help her with pretty much anything and everything she needed. Mr. V had to step up and help more.

 

Mr.V took a week off as paternity leave. Well, he ended up working the entire time he’s been home. He logged in once and answered one email and all broke loose. People just thought he is working from home or something and his out-of-the office reply didn’t help. WTF is wrong with people? Paternity leave to me means the dad is staying home and helps around the house and with the baby, while the mom recovers. In our house, it was a complete opposite. I had to do everything myself including preparing 3 meals a day for Mr.V while he worked. Honestly, I would feel better if he went to work and just let me be.

 

Now, let’s talk about me. I was hormonal. I was fat. I was a bit depressed. I was lost. I was emotional. The life that we all new changed for all of us. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I loved my tiny baby with all of my heart but just like with Ariela, those feelings became stronger with each passing day. My feelings and rational changed too. I was staring at my little, clueless, dependent newborn while at the same time dealing with a jealous, always-speaks-what-is-on-her mind, attention needed kid. This topic deserves a post on its own.

 

My head and my emotions became my worst enemy. I kept doubting myself and was afraid of the new territory we all entered. Will I love both of them? Will I have a favorite? Will I still have time to spend with Ariela? Can I be a good mom to both of them? Will Ariela accept  the new baby? How do we adjust to a new life we brought home? When can I fit into my jeans? Why do I torture myself with these kind of questions? Will I feel lonely when  I’ll be home with the baby by myself?

 

We survived. We had food and clean clothes. My house was clean. I had time to shower (hallelujah) and there were even moments of free time (and I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself during those times).

Hospital Stay

 

The nurses took the baby girl to clean, measure, and give her the shots while my doctor took care of me. I felt no pain at that moment since the epidural didn’t wear off yet.

I looked around the room and just took everything in. One nurse came to talk to me and the other was cleaning the baby girl. She told me I did so good and it was a very fast delivery. She talked about her three kids and how when she was delivering her kids they didn’t administer epidural and she had to give birth a natural. After being in pain for a few hours I really don’t know how she did it, nevertheless three times.

 

After everything and everyone calmed down in the room, I realized what just happened. The extra nurses at delivery, the nurse sitting at my bed for hours, the doc checking in a few times….My baby girl had the cord wrapped around her neck and they had to have extra people just in case…Don’t even want to think about just in case scenarios…All I saw was the monitor which showed her heart rated dropped significantly with every contractions. The husband later on told me the doc had to cut off the cord right away, hence the blood on the floor, hospital gowns, nurses’ scrubs. I had mixed feelings about inducement but at that point I realized we made the right decision. Who knows what could’ve happened if we waited…..

 

My parents and in-laws came to the hospital and saw the baby pretty much right away. A lot of convos were about how the two sisters looked alike. The baby girl slept through it all swaddled in a blanket like a little burrito.

 

Baby girl and I moved to the postpartum room and lived there for the next two and a half days. This time the baby stayed with me all the time. I decided not to send her to the nursery. One night I accompanied my new baby to the nursery for some tests and check-up and realized I made the right choice yet again. The three nurses that were there were busy doing their own tasks while a few babies were screaming and needed comfort/food. I gladly took my baby back to our room.

 

My mom stayed with me for two nights and helped with the baby while Mr. V took care of the big girl at home. It was the first time I was away from the big girl. I was worried but she did just fine. The big sis got meet the baby the same day after coming to the hospital from daycare. She ran to hug me first and started babbling about random stuff until we finally asked her to meet the baby. Honestly, I think she was way more excited to see me than the baby. It is like she already knew that she’ll have to share mommy and daddy with the little one.

 

This time the hospital stay was calm and uneventful. No one bothered us, no one came in the middle of the night multiple times to check on me and baby, no one carried. In fact, I had to call a few times and remind the nurses to bring me my pain killers. Apparently, they were going through some system changes and were doing training at work, letting the patients just be.

 

Baby girl was pretty calm. She slept a lot and cried a little. I was preparing myself for non-stop crying for some reason, maybe because the older kid was crying every hour.

 

Baby girl didn’t have the name until the last moment. Mr. V and I couldn’t decide on a first name, nevertheless thinking about the middle name. I got a few phone calls from the birth certificate department asking us if we have a name. Finally, on the last day, before checking out from the hospital, Mr. V came with a  car seat, we just looked at each other and agreed on a name. The lady called again and I was finally able to give her the name of our brand new baby girl.


Drum roll please……

 

Miss Alina (yes, another Miss A) was dressed and ready to go home.

Birth Story

We got to the hospital around 8:20 pm and went to the L&D to register. I was in total denial. Mr. V kept taking pictures of me. I was not impressed. Wet hair, big belly, fat all around is not a good combo for pictures if you ask me.

 

After a pee test and some blood work, the doc checked me and I was at 1cm. I remember thinking to myself that I might just go to labor naturally without being induced. I was hoping it would be the case but it didn’t work out that way.

 

We waited until our room was prepped for us. We called our parents and checked in on Miss A. I changed and sat on the hospital bed as the nurse came in and told us the plan. My doc wanted to start the inducement process right away.

The plan was to help me to get dilated to 4cm overnight. They would insert a “balloon” and leave it there overnight to move things along. And so they did. That is when things got real! I snapped out of my dream state and realized we were having a baby the next day.

 

The balloon wasn’t painful but it was pretty uncomfortable. The nurses went in and out the whole night. I was able to get a few hours of sleep in between the check-ups. The nurses changed shifts, the hours went by, the pain increased, the IV went in, some pain medicine was giving, which didn’t really help.

By morning, I was at 3-4 cm. I remember thinking that it’ll be a very long day if my overnight progress was so little. My contractions were so strong I couldn’t tolerate them anymore. Every time a contraction started, I held on to the bed as tightly as I could and looked at the monitor by my side. I remember trying to distract myself from pain by looking around the room and concentration on something. I remember looking at my Kindle and seeing some random book name pop up. I remember looking at the clock thinking our little one would be born soon. I remember I gritted my teeth. I remember almost falling off the bed with each contraction. I remember Mr. V laying in the room and asking me how I was. I remember a nurse coming in and out. Apparently their system was down and she couldn’t see my monitor numbers from outside. She sat by my side for the next few hours talking to me about her life with two crazy toddlers. She sat by my side looking at the monitor – some numbers would get up and some down.

 

I asked for an epidural after about 2 hours of being in pain. I had to wait for an anesthesiologist for about 20-30 minutes. Those were the longest minutes ever. When the anesthesiologist (same guy as 4 years ago) came in, I knew exactly what to do and was ready for a magical drug. What a difference it makes. I finally got some rest and stayed on the right side of the bed.

 

The nurse continued to sit by side. She talked a lot and reminded me of my Italian friend. She had a great sense of humor. I was finally able to laugh at her jokes and concentrate on what she was saying. I know now that she was by my side because my little girl had the cord around her neck. Her heart rate would drop significantly with every contraction. I kind of guessed it by looking at the monitor but didn’t realize how important it was to have someone there in case something would happen. I am so grateful she was there! I am glad she took care of the whole situation without letting me know and stressing me out even more.

 

My doc finally made an appearance and I was close to 8cm. After another hour, I was ready to push. We made a few practice pushes and apparently I was a pro already. I didn’t feel anything but they called me a champ. That is the way I like it – No Pain!

 

The doctor came along with another nurse. Again, they didn’t tell me why but I guess they had to be ready just in case. I started pushing and at exactly 2:00pm my little baby was born. Mr. V confirmed she had a tight cord around her neck which the doctor cut right away. I, of course, saw nothing. I guess it is better that way. Baby Alina weighed 7lb 8oz and was 21 inch long (at the hospital, and then 19.5 inch at her first doc’s appointment, I guess someone messed up).

 

I got to hold the baby right away. What a feeling…it is definitely one of those awww moments. I looked at her and knew she is mine. I knew how to take care of her. I knew her cues. I stared at her for a long time and took in all of her features.

We tried BFing and it was OK. I wanted to give it a try and see where it would take us without having any expectations. She wrapped her tiny little fingers around one of mine and took my breath away.

 

Hospital stay to be continued…..

Due Date (10/21/13)

The due date came and the little one was still an inside baby. I always thought the second baby would be a few weeks or at least one week born before the due date. But babies have plans of their own.




I finished work on 10/15. The day before I planned to work from home. I dressed miss A and drove her to daycare only to find out it was closed :) I had to change my plans to make sure I could take care of miss A and finish my work related tasks. I worked half of the day while miss A colored, danced, watched TV, and tried to stay quite. The rest of the day we had fun and enjoyed being outside.




On my actual due date Mr. V and I went to my last doctor's appointment. I remember my doctor said "Ah, you've brought reinforcement. Time to make the plan". She still thought the baby was pretty big and that I had too much fluid. She mentioned that it would be a good idea to move on to inducement sooner rather than wait till the baby would make the appearance on her own. We talked about the possible dates and it was up to us to decide the date of the inducement.


Mr. V and I stepped out of the hospital and he kept telling me how we should do the inducement in the next few days. For some reason, I wanted to wait until she would come out on her own. I was all for waiting and going into labor naturally.




We agreed to at least call the hospital and get on the waiting list for the inducement. What do you know, the next day (Tuesday) I drove miss A to her school and was waiting for here there when Mr. V called and said we got a call from the hospital. He told me to hurry back home because the hospital could admit us that evening. I thought he was joking. It took me about 10 minutes to realize it was the truth. Miss A and I drove home and my parents were already there. I finished packing my bag, took a shower, kissed Miss A, and off we went.




To Be Continued...

Our Life Lately

Hello there, my blog. I’ve totally forgotten and abandoned about you. Good thing no one is really following it, otherwise at this speed I would have no readers at all.

There is a reason though why I’ve neglected you for so long. Life has been busy and by busy I am super, duper busy.

 

Let’s talk about my two girls J

Miss A – where do I start?

-          You are such a loving and caring young lady

-          You hold conversations like an older woman (or babushka as people in daycare call you)

-          You always ask where and what are we doing on the weekend

-          Lately, you’ve been asking about your birthday. You tell me who you want to invite, what cake to get and what food to order. So far, you liked Pump it Up (we’ve been there for another bday party) and you want to invite all of your girlfriends from daycare. You want to have a huge pink and purple cake with butterflies and rainbow. And apparently, the cake will not be enough since you asked me t get “pupcakes” (cupcakes) as well.

-          You’ve also asked when your sister will be born and why you cousin already has a baby brother and you don’t.

-          You love to dance!!! When we get home from daycare you usually change into a puffy dress or skirt and ask us to put some music on. Cutest thing ever! If we have someone over, then you’ll change outfits every 5 minutes to make sure people don’t leave without seeing your collection of dresses, tutus, and skirts.

-          You are still taking gymnastics classes and we recently enrolled you in a prep class for Kindergarten. They’ll be teaching Russian, Math, and English. The class will start in a few weeks and I’ll need to write an update on that.

-          I think most of the time you are a follower with your friends at daycare. There is an older girl, who is leaving this year, but she is very dominant and tells everyone what to do. And you and other little girl just follow what she says. I’ve noticed when she is not around, you are more of a leader and others try to follow you.

-          You performed at the “daycare graduation” for five kids that will be leaving to school this year. Only those kids should’ve been performing (singing and dancing) but you memorized all the songs and the teachers asked you to perform as well. Some parents were asking if/where A will go this year and I just replied she is staying for another year. She just likes to perform!

-          We try to go “swimming” to gma’s and gpa’s pool frequently. You are doing great with your puddle jumper but still afraid of water, especially if it gets into your eyes or on your face.

You are our sunshine and such a light in our life! You make us smile everyday but sometimes test our patience J You tell us you love us and give out kisses to us every day. What a great feeling and joy it is to be around you every day. I am very thankful to have you in my life.

I love you with all my heart and more!

 

Little One – we haven’t come up with a name yet. I’ll have to call you little one for now

-          You’ve been doing gymnastics or some other sport in there. I’ve been feeling all those rolls and turns you take

-          Daddy is finally used to the idea that he’ll have two daughters. Trust me he was shocked when he found out at the u/s that you are a GIRL but now he is totally cool.

-          Mommy is really excited to have two daughters. I hope you’ll have a special bond between the two of you. I hope you’ll be there for each other though out life and learn to lean and care for each other. I won’t lie; at first I thought we’ll have a boy. On the day of the big u/s I left confused at first. I got a little sad that I’ll never know or have a boy to raise but then I thought of all the positives of having two girls and the world became brighter! Like this was meant to be!

-          We went for another u/s on 08/16 because I’ve been having some pain on my upper right side and the doc wanted me to check it out. I am so glad we did. Your daddy was able to go with me. They couldn’t tell why I’ve been having pain (maybe your position and kicking or my ribs expanding to make room for you) but I was able to stare at you for 20 minutes. You were folded in half J Your legs were covering you face most of the time and the u/s tech was having a hard time. We got a few pictures to take home and your sister wanted to see them as well. They estimated you to be around 3lb 14oz, which is the 60 percentile. I’ve heard their estimates are not really accurate though.

-          I am feeling better in general, just get more tired towards the evening and the shortness of breath is really annoying

-          Yesterday, your sister felt you kick for the first time (she was just pretending before) and she started giggling J

 

It seems like time just flies by this time around but at the same time we still have about 2 more months. I can’t wait to meet you. I pray every day that you are healthy and that my body is doing everything to help you grow. I try to ignore the hard days with sickness, fatigue, shortness of breath, because at the end it won’t matter. The only thing matter to me is that you are healthy in there.

 

I love you with all of my expending heart, actually we are all already in love with you.